Finding Space

For most of my life I lived with things. By that, I mean that I tended to place a high value on possessions and in doing so, surrounded myself with things that were important to me. A few years ago, after an unexpected upheaval in my personal life, I opted for a career change that would give me the opportunity to travel to different parts of Florida, where I lived at the time. Since I was traveling for work, and staying in new towns for a few months at a time, I gave up the apartment I had been renting, and put almost everything I owned in storage, taking with me only what I could fit in my car. Initially, the process of packing up all my belongings and trying to decide what I could live without for a short while versus what I needed to take with me was difficult. The thought of not having immediate access to all of my things was disconcerting. But after a year of moving from town to town with only the belongings that I could fit in my car, I got used to it and eventually became enlightened. Here's an excerpt from a blog post that I wrote about it:

I realized that I've been living for nearly a year without all that stuff that I left behind in storage, and I haven't missed it or needed it. And if you can live without something for a year, do you really need it at all? Even the things that I take with me to each assignment, the things I thought I absolutely needed and couldn't leave behind, I've begun to consolidate. And I found that once I started to do this, I became more and more energized by the process. I went through clothes, shoes, boxes and boxes of stuff, making piles of all the things I've carted around with me for a year but haven't used. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it wasn't. But I just kept telling myself that who really needs three white button-down shirts, or twelve pairs of workout shorts, or five pairs of strappy black summer heels. I had to admit, of all this stuff I had, I only really used a small percentage of it. And the mail, all the paperwork, every piece of paper that I thought might be of the most minute importance, I had filed away somewhere. But deep down I knew that I didn't really need the check stubs from three jobs and five years ago. The more I did this, the better I felt. Suddenly, I could breathe again.

This was the beginning of my journey towards living small. It felt so good to get rid of all the extra stuff in my life. I recognized that being less encumbered by possessions made my mind and my heart feel lighter, too. I felt less overwhelmed in other areas of my life, and began to grow as I learned to place more value in intangible things.

Which brings me to today. I went from an apartment full of things to a storage unit full of things three years ago, to an eventual decision a couple of years later to stop traveling and settle down in south Florida near my sister and niece. I rented an apartment there, got all of my things out of storage and sorted through them, giving away what I didn't want and couldn't sell, and throwing out what I couldn't give away. I planned to stay there for a few years, but life is what happens when you're busy planning, isn't it? I stayed in that apartment exactly three months, then uprooted myself again to work/travel in Texas with a good therapist friend of mine. Did that for six months with my friend (who quickly turned into my boyfriend), and then we moved to Austin. Each time I moved/relocated, I downsized a little more, and felt lighter and freer. After four months at a less than desirable location in Austin (yes, even Austin has those), we moved yet again, this time to a teeny-tiny apartment in the city! And that's where I am now, one month into a 450 sq ft downtown apartment that I share with my boyfriend. This is the smallest space I've ever lived in, and I'm sharing it with someone else! I know all you NYC dwellers are probably laughing at me as I adapt to living in what must seem like a perfectly normal sized living space to you, but hey, this is MAJOR progress for me. And there have definitely been some bumps in the road as we adjust, but that's what it's all about in the end. Growing and learning and living...